As I sit on my cozy chair with coffee in one hand and the other on the armrest…
I ponder over the past few years of my life. The past few crucial years of my
life. About 4 years ago, when I was in my 10th grade, I was
shattered by an incident. May 13th, 2008. The first day in my life
when I regretted everything I’d done. My fault it was, I realized. And then
when I was in 11th, I got close a person. Real close. Our friendship
didn’t last a year. The person broke my trust despite me repeatedly letting him
know how hard it was for me to trust someone coz’ of my previous experiences
with people. Well, as it ended, it left both of us in depression. We suffered
after the parting, both of us. Oh, and we parted on May 13th, 2011.
Probably, 13th of May is just not a good day for me.
And thinking about all I’ve been through frustrates me. It
makes me go bonkers. My health issues add to my grief. Perfect. If I were given
a time machine then probably I’d go and change everything I could so that the
present wouldn’t be this way. But no, I don’t think I have a chance. Or
choice. Being betrayed, hurt, mocked,
misunderstood… Well, I guess I learnt my lessons. But the memories never fade,
do they? Sometimes when they come back, the evil in me wants to satisfy itself.
She’s really hungry. Her hunger for revenge grows stronger each time the reel
rewinds. Her regrets try to pacify her.
She knows it’s her fault. She chose wrong people, wrong places. Then again, she’s
evil.
Sometimes it’s the regrets. I don’t really understand how I
acted that way. I wish I’d thought long-term before I did anything. I’m filled
with remorse. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to get over everything and move on.
I’m just 19. I have a long way to go. I’m not a coward to end it here. I need
to do something. I need to act.
Then I hear a voice inside my head. The most amazing,
soothing, and convincing voice. The voice said, “Are you, in any way,
benefitted by avenging? Or hurting yourself? The Law of Life is to move
on. Move on by bringing about
significant changes. Try to change your perceptions in a positive way. The
beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Do not forget these wise words. Every
little thing comes down to perceptions. Try to look at the bright side of every
situation and wonders will happen to you. You will be able to experience the
ultimate bliss. If only you change the way you interpret and think. The past’s
a wreck. Accept it. Let go of it. There’s nothing you can do about it. You don’t
want the same to happen in the future, do you? So act upon it now. Your ‘now’
decides your ‘later’. Think about it. You grow not by age, but by wisdom. Make
wise decisions. You have no time left to brood over the past and ruin your
future. Improvise. And change for the better. Change is inevitable. There’s
merely no use wasting your time over it. Move on, darling. It’s high time that
you change. A promising miraculous future awaits. I see it. But you need to act
before you get there. Good luck!”
And then the voice fainted. It was then that I decided that
I wont let myself into self-loathing. I am strong enough to let go of my past.
Of everything negative. There’s so much to do and so little time. I had so many
plans the last time I was happy. Where did all of them suddenly vanish?! I have
to revive the urge, the urge to fulfil everything I wanted to do. Yes, I need
to act. What about the world tour I planned on? The concerts I wanted to
attend? The significant changes my organization [Save Earth, Save Thyself..
which is to be established!] would be bringing about?! Jeez, I’ve been a moron
for quite a long time.
We all experience crap in our lives. We have no choice but
to move on. I learned that moving on while
you’re trying to improvise your life in every aspect is the key to happiness.
:)
